Patience: Journey to Baby.

This post has been a long time coming. It has been something I kept quiet on for a long time. I think most people who go through this would say they feel the same way. They keep quiet or only tell a select few. I won't beat around the bush.

You know how it goes....you date, you get engaged and then married, you have your fun with just you and your spouse for a year or two and then babies come along...at least in the South. So easy right? Not for some & definitely not us.

Our journey to have a baby started back in early summer 2014. I remember exactly where B & I were....we were eating Mexican (I can still picture the booth in the restaurant.) and were talking about it. You've heard it before, "Oh, let's just see what happens." We hadn't been married a year, but I was antsy. B was hesitant but knew how badly I wanted a little one. He agreed and in my mind I was thinking....oh this is going to happen so quick!!! I was so excited.

Fast forward 10 months (January 2015)...still no baby. I was deflated & irritated. I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about it. She decided to do some blood work and see what was going on. On the outside...everything was "normal" for me. No issues. My levels looked slightly off and she told me she thought I wasn't ovulating. She prescribed me Femara, 2.5mg. I would take it on certain days and then have my blood drawn on cycle day 21 to see if it helped me ovulate. Still nothing. She upped my dosage, 5mg. Nothing. This went on for about 9 months or so.

In September of 2015, we announced we were moving to Austin, TX. Still no baby. All I could think of was, "Great. I get to start this process all over again with a new doctor." I did some research and found an OBGYN/Fertility clinic combo with great reviews for one of the doctors. I made the initial appointment before we even left South Carolina. I made sure all my records were sent over so they would have everything. We moved in late October and the week after I arrived, I met with Dr. Wang. She was amazing. She was kind, read my records, did some baseline blood work and kept me on my prescribed regimen.

She would have me come in to check my follicles, give me a trigger shot, and then wish us luck if you catch my drift. This didn't help at all. She suggested IUI. I remember talking to B about it. He was very against it. To this day, I think he hates the thought of it. He is a very religious person and had/has his own thoughts about it...which I have come to respect. We talked about it extensively and finally came to an understanding and decided we would do max of 3 rounds and then go from there. Guess what? Nothing. We did 3 IUIs (January, February, & March 2017), paying out of pocket $$$$, and not a one of them worked. Like no positive, at all.

After the third, Dr. Wang suggested surgery. She wanted to go in and see if there was anything that might be causing a problem. She didn't want to move any further with any type of fertility treatments until she was able to take a look around. On May 19, 2017 I went in for outpatient surgery. Not knowing what was going to happen or be found. I honestly remember thinking to myself, I hope she finds something so we have an answer. If everything looked good, I was really going to be upset. B was there with me & was as cool as a cucumber. At least, that's the way he appeared to me. My nurses were wonderful. Dr. Wang came in and gave me a quick run down of what she'd be doing. Next thing I knew, I was being rolled to the OR.

I remember waking up coughing from the intubation tube being taken out. Then, B was right there by my side. He had a handful of paperwork/pictures. I remember him saying "Babe, you had a bad fallopian tube and that was the problem. Dr Wang took it out." All I could hear was, I was minus one fallopian tube. I freaked out and started sobbing. Looking back, B says it wasn't probably the best thing to say to me coming right out of anesthesia. But I think he was excited that they found the problem. My tube had twisted multiple times on itself and then had little cysts around each twist. My doctor said she had never seen anything like it in her years as a doctor. The craziest thing about all of it was that I had ZERO symptoms. I had no pain. All cycles were regular. From the outside, we were all scratching our heads.

We found out in July 2017 that we were pregnant. We had no assistance as far as IUI goes. June 2017 would have marked 3 years of trying. To me, it's all so crazy. B is just ecstatic. And my doctor uses my case and tells other couples who are struggling with infertility our story (confidential of course). She always comes in with a smile on her face and talks about our miracle baby. And at 29 weeks pregnant, it is still so SURREAL to me that we are here...waiting on baby.

{Excuse the quality of this picture, the dirty mirror, and me....the hot mess express! But life isn't always perfect is it?} 

Our journey was long, not as long as others, but still 3 years long. It pales in comparison to others who have been waiting longer or who have been told "No" or have more extensive treatments like IVF or worse, even lost a baby. It is an ugly road. I was not a nice person. I was bitter. I was mean to my husband. I said things I didn't mean. We fought about it. I cried...a lot. I remember keeping face for others. I tried to appear strong. Some days I was strong. And other days, I wasn't.

I can't tell you enough that if you are going through this...you. are. not. alone. Find yourself a good great doctor. Do your research. Ask questions. Reach out to people you feel comfortable with. For me, none of my girlfriends had any extensive problems getting pregnant. They would pray for me/us and ask me questions about what was going on, but they couldn't really help me when it came to infertility questions. And that was OK. I don't wish it on anyone. To know the answers to these questions, isn't the most fun. But if you are going through it or are just curious, I am an open book.

Life isn't perfect, and I never ever want to portray that everything is roses. I think people have much more respect for those that are real & show the somewhat messy side of their lives. What you see on Instagram or SnapChat... it's pretty. But there's always something. This isn't reaching for sympathy but just real talk is all. I never in a million years would have thought that we would have to deal with infertility. Or that I'd be blogging about it...but here I am.

And as cliche and as easy as it is to say, try not to stress. Find things that make you happy. Distract yourself. Infertility is certainly the devil's work. He sneaks in and wrecks you. And he'll try to wreck everything else too. But be patient. Easier said than done, I know. Trust me. God gave us what we wanted...but it took 3 years. He never said no....just "not yet." Infertility made us stronger as a married couple. Living 1800 miles away from any family and having a new baby (in ~3 months) just us two....that's really going to make us strong. But we are ready and are more thankful than EVER. Do I wish I and B had to go through all of it? No. But are we better people for it? Absolutely.


Lauren Morbitzer said...

You are incredibly strong and I’m so thankful for our friendship and that little baby boy!

D said...

My Lord! How did I miss this Post!!!! Haley! This was beautifully written and heart filled. I feel that I have more of a better understanding now that I didn’t quite have before. I’m just so honored to know you reading this. Baby Boy will be loved immensely & you both will cherish your children even more now. Having a miscarriage definitely made me more thankful for Whit but nervous during my pregnancies. You were so strong & we all admire you.

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